IT’S OK TO FALL APART SOMETIMES!!
BY: Nikita Verma
A big shout out to all the mommies reading this- You are doing a fabulous job😊.
Words like quarantine, lockdown, stay home, social distancing are no more new and unique to the people living today. Everyone is aware and struggling to get through this uninvited and least prepared phase of life. And trust me, we all feel each other. That’s what motherhood is all about-feeding, cleaning, teaching and yet managing Work From Home beautifully.
Ladies, this is the time to show the world, what we are capable of…and I am 100% sure that all the women out there are managing all this perfectly. Rather than feeling defeated and worrying about how to sail through this, just remember, you are a woman and most importantly a mother, you are a superhero in all ways. You were created to perform miracles. When you can give birth to another human being, anything and everything is possible for you. It’s just that we sometimes forget that we have our capes hidden somewhere beneath our fancy wardrobe and very often, we don’t remember to use it.
Rise and shine! It’s time to find your superhero cape and use it till we are out of this unfortunate situation and even beyond that.
Whenever you feel helpless, just remember who is watching you. I am sure we don’t want our little humans to feel pity for us at all. So just wake up, get up and dress up. It’s time to show to the world that however broken we are from the inside, we are still ready to knock this out…it’s just a virus after all and we have handled much more than this, all through our life (I am sure all the married ladies would agree 😊).
I know many of you by now would have started thinking that it’s good to write and read about such things but practically impossible to follow the same, but believe me I am in this together with every other mummy. I also have my rough days when I get depressed at the drop of a hat. But let me tell you this – there is no one, absolutely no one out there who can make you feel better other that you.
You need yourself more than your kiddos need you. Heal yourself to heal the people around you. Remember – ‘you cannot pour from an empty cup’!
Being a teacher, I am surrounded by children, laughter and happiness all day and I am used to getting vacations every summer and winter. But this was not a usual break. Initially, everybody in the house was happy about the fact that it was the first time ever we all were together, without worrying about the office and school. But the scariest part was yet to come.
Quarantine started off well. A few days had passed and we started getting irritated with all the mess that was created around the house. The continuous cleaning in the absence of the house help made it even more difficult, as most of us are used to the “luxuries of living in India”. Tolerating my own little one throughout the day started becoming unmanageable. The cherry on the cake was the extreme work pressure.
I am an introvert and can hardly express fear, love, anger and every other emotion, but I do get disturbed and move into my shell when people around me don’t acknowledge the fact that I am trying my best to complete what is expected of me at home and at work. I have dealt with this feeling throughout my life and am still trying to cope. But, with time and experience, I have learnt that talking is the best remedy.
Many times it happens that we get upset with our husband for a crime he is not even aware he has committed. The same with our mother-in-law too. Sometimes, we forget that they too are human beings and it’s difficult to unlock the unspoken words. I used to get upset with people for not being able to understand what I am going through, but now I know it’s absolutely normal, even for our mothers, to not be aware of exactly what we are craving for until we make it clear to them. We need to communicate!!
Being prone to depression or feeling lost and helpless is absolutely okay. But, what is not okay is the fact that we stop communicating with people. Those who love you will never judge you for expressing what you feel. So it’s high time we start talking about what we are feeling. Vent your feelings and try to explain what you expect from them so that you can work-out a middle path which doesn’t hurt either one in the situation.
Accepting is another step towards happiness and contentment. Just as you have feelings and you may feel depressed on some days, the same can happen to your parents, in-laws, husband and even your tiny little ones in the house. Accepting and acknowledging their feelings and emotions is equally important for a healthy relationship and a happy family.
This lockdown has taught me this lesson and it gave me the courage to do exactly the same for the very first time. I started by making my point clear to other family members. I gathered all the courage to send across the message that whatever was expected from me in the house, will only be possible after my working hours are over.
Being a workaholic, I cannot compromise on the quality of work that I produce and my family members definitely need to know, understand and accept that. I made my point clear and bingo…I felt so light after that. Hakuna Matata.
There is no denying, that after my working hours I gave 100% to finish the tasks that were my responsibility at home. Just like my workplace, I strive to give my best even at home. Moreover, it’s a gesture to make my family members feel that I acknowledge the helping hand they extend when I need them. It’s like boomerang – what you do, comes back to you.
Gradually, everything started falling in place. Everybody was more than happy to extend a helping hand wherever possible. Here, I would like to acknowledge my husband, he made the transition easy for me and for everyone else in the house. He’s been doing that for almost 10 years now like a pro.
So, this one is for all the men reading this – it’s important to maintain and strike a balance even at home just like the workplace. Sometimes, all your lady needs are a listening ear. Many times it has happened to us that problems were solved as soon as the other one listened patiently.
It is perfectly okay to be imperfect. These little imperfections lead to building memories. Your little ones will learn about problem solving skills when they look at how problems arose and more importantly, how perfectly you tackled the situation. Even if your life is perfect, it doesn’t mean that your offspring will inherit the same from you. This is not a biological process. This is life. Just like we have taught them to wash their hands in order to fight this virus, in the same way we can definitely teach them to embrace the imperfections of life. This virus is not going anywhere for now. It’s here to stay. The same way problems are a part of life. We need to accept that problems are a part of life and there is nothing wrong with a situation arising when it was least expected. What is not acceptable is the fact that you run away from such situations. For them, our children, we need to work upon solving our problems rather than crying and feeling lost over them.
Tell them loud and clear- IT’S OK TO FALL APART SOMETIMES!!